


You've Got a Friend in Me

by haruka123



Category: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men: First Class (2011) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, I feel like I should apologize, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Other, Out of Character, Sex Toys, because they are fucking vibrators and dildos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-12 18:50:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7945348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haruka123/pseuds/haruka123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles is living the good life of being his owner's most favorite toy until one day a new, shining and slightly mad Erik Lensherr walks into their lives and ruins everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You've Got a Friend in Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Butterynutjob](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butterynutjob/gifts).



> Another master trash written by yours truly *bows* 
> 
> "Toy Story" AU based on a rather old prompt of Butterynutjob where Charles and Erik are sex toys. I've started writing this literally years ago and waited for it to get better but it didn't so I decided to post it. I hope some of you would enjoy it :)
> 
> I also would like to apologize in advance for:  
> -everything  
> -the smut  
> -the confusing names; X-Men are the toys, actors are the people.  
> -everyone are supremely out of character, maybe except Jennifer Lawrence.  
> -not beta at all
> 
> Happy birthday Noa :)  
> (maybe it's not the best birthday fic idea ever, now that I think about it)

The noise of the bed rattling woke Charles up from his slumber. _Better to wake up_ he thought hazily as he stretched and rolled to the sides. He fell asleep not that long ago, but by the sound of it he could bet his owner will take him out of the box any minute now.  


Cue hushed voices, door slammed, in three...two...one…

“Thank god! he left” James took Charles out of the box and squirted a dollop of lube on him “That douchebag! didn’t even bother to wait for me. again! total arse” 

Charles smiled coyly at James, blushing to his ears. Charles knew all about guys being douchebags, that they couldn’t be trusted and give James what he needed. That didn't matter one bit of course because James could always trust Charles to be there for him. Charles was fiercely proud to be in charge of James’ sexual health as his most favorite toy. Every now and then he thinks fondly about the good old days when he was so young and naive, worried he’s hurting his owner with all the groaning and the cries, he wasn’t sure what else he could do other than being himself. Luckily he had Hank, a set of blue furry handcuffs and the oldest item in James’ collection, that patiently explained to him that the moans and other noises are actually a blissful sign, that he’s giving James pleasure. Later Hank, who was thrilled to have a colleague after years of being stuck alone in James' drawer, shared with Charles his vast knowledge of human anatomy he has acquired from living with Charles and a book named "what's happening to my body?" that was stuck in the very same drawer. Exceptional achievement it was, considering Hank was stuck in James' drawer ever since he came there. The long seclusion in the drawer made Hank very amicable and a dear friend. Unfortunately for Hank, even after James acquired more toys and shifted them all to their current residence, he was one of the least used toys out of Toyboxville citizens, but he often said he didn’t mind. Charles could not understand him one bit, but, well, not everyone could be as successful as he is. 

It always tickled when James applied lube on him, which made Charles giggle as he was inserted and pulled him out of James in a steady rhythm. James was stroking his penis and his balls with his other hand as he ranted on about his sex friend “that scunner! Thank god I have you, Charles, righ' mate?” he panted. Charles would have nodded in agreement if he wasn’t squeezed so tightly inside James’ anus. 

Everything was warm and tight around him, moist as James worked him deeper with addictive rhythm, sort of a dance. 

Charles sighed, James was delightful and the best friend any toy could ask for.

Soon after James came he pampered Charles with a meticulous bath which was the best treat ever! Charles liked warm water and bubbles. Life couldn’t get better than this if you'd ask Charles.

He would never forget the day James took him home. His best friend Jennifer was pushing James through the door, small and cute, soft curls framed his pale face and eyes just as blue as Charles himself. He liked James from the second he walked into the store and wished he would take him away from there.

“Buy this one” Jennifer excitedly pointed a finger at Dwain, or as he was called in the store “The Rock” 

James' eyes were wide downright looked terrified by the mere suggestion “Good lord Jen, it’s wider than my fist”

“I know” Jennifer cackled and punched him in the shoulder “fucking hilarious” 

Luckily, Eve the store consultant took Charles’ box and approached them with an easy smile “If I may?” 

that was part of the reason Charles liked Eve so much; she could’ve been crude sometimes but always sensitive to the needs of shy customers. 

“Here” she held the box out for James to hold,prepared with her sales pitch “we got this model just a week ago, made of a new polymer, originally developed by NASA. It’s soft to touch but very sturdy material, it's the perfect size and shape for beginners, 100% medical silicone, easily cleaned. Isn’t the color lovely too?” 

James gulped as he stared at Charles, hesitant before he talked again “he looks like a bunny, is it on purpose?” 

Eve smiled at him, she had a soft spot for the dorky innocents “Trust me sweetie, you can’t imagine how much pleasure this little buddy here will give you if you give him a chance” 

James bit his bottom lip for a moment, considering everything Eva just told him. Charles was through the roof when James finally nodded “I’ll take him”

Ever since then Charles and James were together: through high school when the girls James’ dated weren’t just enough, the wild days of college when Charles started doing things with the “guys” people but always came back to Charles, and the boring single life that was frankly quite disappointing for James. The collection grew constantly bigger adding Emma- a diamond shaped princess plug and Moira the horsewhip, Senko the shibari rope (poor thing, Charles often felt sorry for her, he doesn’t think James ever played with her, she was kind of an outsider) and more friends, all lived happily in Toyboxville with Charles as founder and appointed supervisor by himself, he was after all James' best.

Charles, to put it simply, cared about James so much, _‘Though he questions his choices of friends’_ Charles winced when he heard Jennifer trademark shrill 

“You still have this?” Jennifer wiggled Charles making him sick motion “It should be in a fucking museum” her smile was banana wide.

 _‘It definitely wasn’t because she’s beautiful, James is gay’_

“Jen for the love of god why are you peeking in my toys box?! Put Charles back in there now!” 

She rolled her eyes and dumped him unceremoniously in the box again “Hooked 75% of the gay population of Manhattan, still no fun. You are a waste of luxury cruising ship James.” she pouted with fake sadness 

“I have not!" James blushed "There is no way to even prove that assumption”

she sighed and took James’ hands in hers, her tone was surprisingly serious “Listen James, you can’t go on like this with that piece of crap. You have to graduate from your cutesy fairy wand. You’re not sixteen and it isn’t cute anymore” 

“Stop with the nonsense Jen” James snatched the toy box and placed it in its place, count on Jen to worry about the right things. Inherently, he conducts a heated argument with himself about what would have happened if Jennifer cared about important subjects, such as social justice or international politics as passionately as she cared for his nonexistent sex life and the Kardashians.  
She would’ve probably won a Nobel prize for peace. 

Charles was a silent spectator of their conversation, and frankly, if she hadn't brought James to the store when he bought Charles or wasn’t the one that gave James Hank, Charles would’ve been seriously angry with her.

“-besides, he’s so tiny James!” she cooed as she pulled him into a ribs-crashing hug “You can’t shove that tiny fairy stick down your ass and expect to be ready to the Fassminator! You will scream like a pussy and end up in a hospital! I care about you James!" she poked a finger in his ribs "I don’t want some McDreamies stitching your ass back together because you couldn’t take a big dong. You’re my best friend” 

_“Says who”_ Charles muttered

On JenScale that monolog was almost touching, James tried to convince himself just to suffocate the impulse to smash his head against the wall. “Wait, Fassminator? You didn’t mean umm, Michael, did you?”

“James please” she already threw herself on the bed, her hair around her like a golden halo “give me some credit, I am your only friend for a decade I know when you’re into someone. But Worry not my unmated friend he definitely wants to shove his monster cock into you” 

The neighbors must have caught that, James thought dizzily, _they would never look at me the same way again._

“- and he laughs at your “groovy” jokes and checks your ass like he's prepared to eat you twice a day for the rest of your lives” 

James couldn't talk, Jen talking about rimming aside, he had a crush on Michael since he started working out in the gym, and they had more than one interesting conversation. It wouldn’t be a lie, to say that James assumed, well, hoped really, that one day Michael would push him to the showers and then... hell, that probably was the only reason James kept going to the gym in the first place.

“God you’re such a loser” Jen rolled her and grabbed his shoulders “come, we’re going shopping. Thanks to my help you’re so gonna be ready to his Nagini” she wiggled her eyebrows now “Help Michael with his _“healthy diet”_ ” there were air quotation marks and an exaggerated wink. 

_Godpleasestopher, who was that blonde demon hugging him right now and why didn’t she stop?_

Charles squeezed his eyes shut prayed fervently for a divine intervention.

“YOU GOT THAT?! DIET CAUSE HE’S GONNA EAT YOU!”

Praying was proved useless 

James was seriously rethinking his choices in life. He probably should have bonded with someone less… not that she was wrong. The worst part he couldn’t even deny her assumption of Michael’s outrageous cock size, you really couldn’t escape and he really, really wouldn’t mind getting on board of Michael train and choo choo with him. Oh god, it was contagious.

Jennifer was swinging her hips as they left “HIS FASSYCONDA! My anaconda don’t. Fassiconda don’t! enter James! Cause he’s so fucking tight”

“That doesn't even rhymes” James groaned  
Jen shrugged “But it’s extremely catchy” she danced to the imaginary beat as she walked to the driving seat. 

Both of them left, completely unaware of one concerned blue dildo watching them from the window 

************************************************************

“Michael”  
The name was not unfamiliar to Charles. However he never gave it much thought before, it’s not like he wasn’t used to James thinking about other guys in bed, and Charles did try to be as open-minded and considerate as he could about role plays. They were just fantasies and Charles was James’ real partner, James was still his… however, added to Jennifer’s and James’ conversation, Charles began to worry. He wanted to believe that he was still special, that his owner may have new shining toys but he will always be his favorite, James won’t betray his trust, right?

The result of Jennifer's and James most recent to the sex toys shop came all too soon in Charles' opinion. Standing proudly in front of them, all chrome and shiny and considerably taller and wider than Charles with and a slight curve. He moved like he had some kind of mechanism inside of him, a difference that has set him apart from the other residents of Toyboxville. Charles and Hank were intrigued at first..., just until he opened his mouth.

“Greetings people of Toyboxville. My name is Erik Lensherr you killed my mother prepare to die”

Charles could roll his eyes as the rest of the residents stared at Erik wide-eyed. Delusional sex toys were not a thing out of ordinary, when Emma first arrived she claimed she was the white queen until Charles explained to her she was merely a princess plug. So for Charles it was obvious the new kid on the block was mental but as the appointed guardian of Toyboxville and its residents his duty was to greet the new member of their community and act graciously, despite Erik being a moron.

“Welcome to Toyboxville, Erik, I am Charles, first dildo of this town" Charles courtly bowed his head "and we are pleased that you’ve joined us in our efforts to give James’ pleasure. Would you like to share with us what type of toy are you? what is your function?”

“Let’s just say I’m Frankenstein's monster” Erik drawled which made Moira and Emma giggle like schoolgirls. “Also, as I’ve said, I am a deadly weapon, not a toy. Stay away if you wish to remain alive” 

Charles was about to make a joke about the sheer ridiculousness as Darwin the harness butted in “What do you mean by that? Who killed your mother?” 

The new guy was smart, Charles had to give him credit for that. Nobody in Toyboxville had real parents, they had manufacturers that made them and the sellers in the sex shops who took care of them until they found new homes, but no one had parents like James and Jen had. They didn’t talk about it much but Charles knew every toy secretly wished to have parents because he has felt the same way too.

“A man named Sebastian Shaw killed her and I swore to avenge her death” Lenssher answered with burning determination 

“Really?” Sean, the orange gag, rolled towards them “that sounds harsh man”

“You poor thing” the girls came closer to metal vibrator too.  


This wasn’t going right, Charles had taught the toys to know better than buying a stranger’s lies. 

“I am made of bulletproof metal to make me the ultimate weapon, and I can manipulate it as too, look” and he started vibrating  
“I am changing the structure of the materials.”  
“wow”

“Guys!" Charles yelled to get their attention "He’s just vibrating! he can’t manipulate metal or hurt anyone!”  
“Then how you would explain his vibrations?!” Sean asked  
“It’s something inside of him. For god sakes he’s supposed to be shoved into James’ asshole, do you really think he would shove their something dangerous?”  
“Charles” Moira tsked him “language!” the other toys seemed horrified as well  


Charles was truly pissed now, how this guy had the nerve to walk in there and just feel like he could change everything Charles had built in here.

Night time was much worse as James took Erik to bed for the first time, it was James' "special Tuesday night". James was looking at him, and Charles couldn't stop the tears in his eyes as Janes laid him off “I'm so sorry my friend, I can’t use you both together. I’m not Jen”  


The rest of the toys peeked out of the box whispering to each other in awe, James was never that loud with a toy before, or anyone really, and he had Erik buzzing for, Hank as whispered excitedly _“hours”_

*********************************************************

The change was too obvious not to notice

“You can’t sit with us!” Emma shrieked “-until you start supporting Erik”  
Moira at least the decency to look apologetic even though it didn’t make Charles feel any less betrayed. "Just because he’s a metal and weapon doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings” Sean added. Charles was taken aback by all of his once friends behavior. He tried to prove the whole story was ridiculous, that Erik was just a vibrator and all the stupid things written on his package like “The ultimate magnum- for thousand little deaths” meant nothing and honestly someone should fire the copywriter in charge.  
The next meeting counsel went horribly Erik pitched an offer to change the name of Toyboxville to the brotherhood of sex toys, with a stupid speech about unity, about them against the world all of them fighting a common enemy named Sebastian Shaw and winning James as many orgasms as they could. Most of the toys agreed! Luckily the offer never passed because Charles had a veto privilege as the founder.

Charles tasted true bitterness for the first time in his life other than James’ spunk and he didn’t like that at all.

***

Three weeks passed since James brought Erik home and there isn’t a nice way to say this but Charles was finally ready to admit: he has been replaced. James never plays with him anymore, his friends abandoned him too in favor of the (literally) new shining toy. The first step was to admit the problem- which Charles painfully did and now he had to find a solution. For days he deliberated and argued with himself until he finally resolved to go and look for another owner. He would just have to find someone to care for him as much as James used to care for Charles before Erik, owner with toys that would appreciate Charles.  
In the quiet of the night, Charles said a final goodbye to James. At dawn, he left a note to the rest of the toys and rolled out of the house

****  
The plan worked brilliantly so far, he was standing on the sidewalk the sun was shining and all he had to do is wait until a new owner will pick him up and play with him. Obviously, whoever the potential owner might be, they won’t be as good as Charles but they would have to do. 

HAt first, he was too tired to try and go back to the store so he hoped that one of Charles neighbors was kind enough to take him in. A small girl was running to him, well that was promising  
“Mommy mommy look! it’s blue poop” she giggled  
The mother yanked her daughter's hand, horrified “Omg honey stay away from that”  
Charles swallowed, his already beaten up ego was beaten to the pulp, perhaps it was for the best if he just gives up, let some cats to toss him around like a prey and drop himself to the dumpster, what does it matter anyway? 

“This. You are, James’ right?” the voice interrupted his depressing line of thoughts. It was slightly familiar so Charles looked up to see who was talking to him “I remember you little fella, when I waited in his house to surprise him, shame I couldn’t pull it eventually.”  
Charles’ eyes widened with horror, It was Kevin!  
Charles was scared to death: he definitely didn't want to go to Kevin’s house (and who did he call little? Charles thought angrily, his wee wee was much, much smaller than Charles, he knew for a fact). Kevin was Charles ex-boyfriend and basically a creep. Worst, Kevin had Juggernaut, freakishly large red dildo, not unlike Dwein from the store, only Cain was mean and weird (Charles actually knew him because even after James and Kevin broke up, Kevin used to open his window to yell at Charles sleazy suggestions and waving Juggernaut at him. 

He had to figure out a way to get out of there. Next to Juggernaut and his evil owner his earlier problems seemed petty and he wanted home, back to Toyboxville. 

"what should I do with a sweet candy like you? hmm?" Kevin then licked his entire length making Charles want to gag

"oh, you also think James did that on purpose? I guess we should pay the little slut a visit" 

“Hi James

“Hello Kevin” Charles did not hide his obvious dislike to Kevin, the man was obnoxious. Charles was eager for James to notice him and claim him back. 

“I got your message” he smirked 

“I sent you no message  


“Then what do you call this?” he wiggled Charles in front of James “I knew you've missed me babe, really you didn't have to go all that length when you could've knocked on my door, you might not be as pretty as you were young but I still can make room for you sugar. 

James was on the verge of vomiting when he realized his neighbor was wiggling his personal dildo

“Excuse me is there a problem? Is he bothering you James” said a stranger with deep voice that sounded awfully like Michael, James nearly fell when he saw it was indeed Michael and if he wasn’t too busy fending off his pervert neighbor he would have been

“Everything is fine” Charles said curtly, using the distraction to pull his wrist from Kevin’s grip “Mr. Bacon was just leaving”  


“Oh James” Kevin laughed “you got yourself a bodyguard? My precious boy, he doesn’t know how much you like it? What a dirty little whore you are?”  


*boom* Kevin was knocked out  


“Michael!” James cried and ran to Kevin "are you out of your mind?"  


Kevin was reaching to his bloodied nose as he got up on his feet  


“There’s a lot more from where it came from” Michael spit on him  


“You’re crazy" Kevin laughed like a maniac "You have no idea who you're dealing with! get ready to the curt summon! You’re going to regret it buddy  


But Michael wasn't impressed he fisted Kevin’s collar pulled him way too close and intimidating “Charles is a nice guy, I am not. Come near to him again and you’re gone, not just a promise it’s a fucking threat. Understood?” and then he dropped Kevin to the ground

"I don't need knights on white horses defending my honor Michael" James snapped as they've watched Kevin flee back to his apartment "and I certainly do not approve of violence" 

“I’m sorry” Michael's intimidating mask was replaced with a concerned puppy face, obviously feared he was going to get scorned now that they were alone “it seemed like he cornered you. I came here to return you your towel, you forgot it yesterday at the gym. Zoe gave me your address, I hope I don’t come out as a creep too I just got so angry and didn't think…”

James chuckled “No no it’s fine my friend, it’s perfectly fine, the towel thing!” he took a big breath and gathered his courage and took Charles from where Kevin dropped it “it was actually very thoughtful of you. The least I can do is to invite you inside for tea or coffee, if you’re free of course.”  


Michael froze for a second, clearly taken by surprise but then a predatorily wide smile spread on his face “sure” 

James and Michael heaved both of them were finally naked after long enough teasing and hungry kisses while they've Chrles was cycling in the dishwasher. James lay flat on his back, panting as Michael held his knees in the air. Michael was huge red and veiny Charles let out a muffled moan as his lips were stretched around Erik. Michael’s cock looked so delicious and was about to enter James’ freshly stretched hole, thanks to Charles. Finally Michael grabbed Charles and Erik and threw them on the night stand.  
“I am going to fuck you James, hard”  
“Just fucking do it you arsehole- ahhhh” 

Michael was pounding into James so hard the pictures above the headboard shook, they were both panting and covered in sweat, moaning. Charles had a perfect view of Michael and James sex but he couldn’t concentrate as much as he wanted, not with Erik buzzing next to him, going crazy with lust Charles couldn't have stopped making noises even if he wanted too, he never felt like this with James! James didn’t vibrate or rotate. Erik, he thought as he bit his lower lip, was so, so fucking good that he cursed and Charles almost never cursed. “Erik, deeper, harder, fuck it feels so good” he moaned shamelessly and Erik answered with a guttural “Charles you're so fucking soft” he rubbed harder into him “like a fucking jello, you little minx” he moaned “oh Charles” low and filled with emotion Charles never heard before “Vibrate harder you son of a gun” Charles yelled back.  
At the same time Michael slammed harder into James’ hole making him yell with pleasure as he clenched his sheens to hoist him upwards and give his cock a deeper angle. A while ago Charles might have felt jealous that Michael guy could give Charles more pleasure Few vicious hard pounds and James was pushed over the edge as Michael milked every drop of semen with his large palm. As Charles panted Michael pulled out of him removed his condom, he moved and sat, his knees at each side of James’ waist, giving him a naughty display of his dangling balls and cock as he kept jerking himself wildly. James had just come a moment ago but he was watching Michael with hungry eyes, scratching Michael’s muscled thighs with blunt fingernails in encouragement. Minute Later Michael was spurting his own semen on James’ chest and chin, James’ shockingly blue eyes glazed with open desire.  
He flopped onto the bed next to James  
“Hmmm…” James stretched like a satisfied feline  
“oh, Michael you dummy” James reached to the bedside “you forgot to turn off Erik, it’s bad to keep him working for so long”

“You know, I think it’s adorable you named all of your sex toys” Michael smirked as he stared Charles’ ass, newly displayed after he turned Erik off and put them back in the box.

James shrugged “Jen told me I had to give them sexy names, eyes up Michael. She had quite a compelling argument that I can’t remember though” 

“And you chose Charles and Erik?” Michael quirked an eyebrow. In a second heavy blush spread on James’ face all the way to his ears which encouraged Michael to push even harder.“Wait. Could it be… X-men thing?” 

James rolled, quick as lightning, on Michael and pushed himself up on his elbows “we have better things to do” he rolled his hips above Erik's pelvis, making him release a sharp cry 

But Michael wouldn’t drop it off “Yeah! you know the cartoon, the baldy creeper and the pumped grampa with the stupid cape ummph-” before Michael was able to complete the sentence James crashed their lips together, curled his hand around his shaft and tugged, making Michael groan into their kiss and thrust his hips forward, conditioned to want more and talk less. 

A wicked smile spread on James' face as he saw his distraction worked brilliantly, and because... _Definitely a mutant_

**Author's Note:**

> I probably the lamest smut writer in the world. Why is it so hard?


End file.
